Last night, as I was tossing and turning on our fluffy, but surprisingly not-so-comfy-to-sleep-on couch, I was thinking about all sorts of random stuff that just wormed their way into one ear and out the other. One of these odd, and sometimes frightening thoughts was an idea for a themed blog.
I am very unique when it comes to my religious/spiritual beliefs. I have a very hard time putting them into words, but one element of my theology is a complete disdain and comical outlook on organized religions – especially the umpteen billion denominations that claim the only path to salvation. I go to church semi-regularly, and do believe in a creating force that is deliberate, all-powerful, and has an incredible sense of humor – I mean, just look at the platypus and tell me that God wasn’t fucking with it.
Anyway, I was thinking about how way too many people think that anything that isn’t extremely respectful and totally submissive to the Bible is evil, and deserves to burn in eternal damnation. These people tell you that every word in the Bible is from God, and to be a good little Christian zombie, you have to follow each word. They hold the writings in the Bible as pure example of what to do, and how to live in a way that won’t lead to having a pitch fork repeatedly slammed into your anus for eternity. Then they build churches and have pews in them. If the Bible is a perfect example of how Christian s are to live, every one of them would still be meeting in each others’ houses, sitting on the floor, and refusing women the right to speak in religious services.
So who’s the devout Christian now? Huh? That’s what I thought… punks.
Ok, I’m getting off topic a bit, and need to find the ladder down from my soapbox. Ah, here we go, back to the original point of this whole post: Do you know those little schedules that help you read the whole Bible in 365 days? Well, if you don’t; there are these little schedules that help you to read the whole Bible in 365 days! Each day on the schedule lists the section you are to read for that day, and it goes in order so you don’t get even more confused than the Bible already makes you.
What I want to do is start a blog here on WordPress, and will probably link it to my Live Journal so people there can read it too, and it will be a Read The Bible In A Year sort of thing. Except, instead of giving you a list of sequentially further readings to do on your own, I will put the actual readings on the blog. You’re thinking big fucking deal, dipshit!
The real kicker is not just that the text will be on the blog, it is that the whole Bible will be rewritten. The topics will still be the same, and everything will still have the same storyline, but lets just say it will have my own perspective and warped sense of humor. You’ll see what I mean… if I decide to do this. It would be alot of work, and with school, this blog, work, and the daily enduring of countless morons in the world, I might not have it in me to make this happen. I really want to, though, I think at the very least, I will get a big kick out of it.
It will undoubtedly ruffle ALOT of feathers, and piss off innumerable groups of religious fundamentalists who want to judge, regardless of lest they be judged. That’s ok, though. In fact, that will make it even more of a source of laughter for me. I’m not trying to make something evil, and blatantly anti-God, I just want to accomplish a few little tasks.
1. I want to read the Bible in 365 days.
2. I want to contemplate the truths behind the writing of many different people over thousands of years.
3. I want to show just how ridiculous some of the teachings in the Bible are in a humorous way.
4. I want to stir up trouble – Jesus wanted to stir up trouble, and people worship Him!
So, we’ll see if I decide to do this, I need to think a bit more about it. I don’t know what I would call the blog, or how I would market it to as many people as possible so it would actually have a loyal readership, or how I should deal with the countless loving and caring death threats I will get from sweet well-meaning Christians. these are all important considerations to work out before I start. If I figure it all out, I’ll let you all know about the blog ASAP.
Until I speak of this again, think on this statement: If being baptized into a Christian life, and continuing to honor Christ throughout that life is the only way to go to Heaven, and if you don’t do any of that, you’re going to hell… then Gandhi is burning in hell.
Its a pretty interesting idea, I am actually reading through the book right now but I wouldn’t bother doing this myself. Seems like a good idea though. How do you intend to read it is my question, with a literal view, as psychological symbolism as Jung did, for the similarities between many ideas as Joseph Campbell, or something else?
http://www.QuestioCunctus.com
That is an excellent question! I might try to explore it from a few different perspectives, either throughout the whole thing, or using the multiple viewpoints on just certain passages. I’m not sure yet exactly how to answer your question, but it is a really good one. Thanks so much for forcing me to think on deeper levels about how to go about this project. I appreciate it.
i’ve been wanting to do the bible exactly the way you’re going to do since i was 15. But i got problems with my verbal skills, it’s like the wires that connects my brain to my mouth (so i speak) and to my fingers (so i type) are blocked. So, it’s so so so nice to find you having the idea. I’ll be your loyal reader! And if there’s anything i can do to help, just tell me, i’d love that a lot. You’re wonderful!
Hey there – I read the Bible in 365 days (exactly) a couple of years ago. I recommend just reading the beginning and the end – that way you’ll miss all the begatting and boring bits. But generally I think you’re likely to find God anywhere but the Bible!
Hey, Me.
I am more inclined to read it and rewrite it as a satirical and farsical slant at organized religion. But I totally agree that you won’t really find God in the Bible.
A lot of people think that amongst them is the man I love but who I don’t like because he is a religious bigot . I think That all scripture is a way to God but people have lost the ability to think for themselves .And let the church interpret what is supposed to be a personal experience.
Jesus said the only way into heaven is though me, however he was not talking about him the man ,he was talking about the part of him that was still God father/mother( there are some older versions of the torah where GOD is actually called she or it .Of course you can’t ascend and connect with GOD without GOD. Then think of this in the church took out a considerable portion of the bible to make it easier to read seriously look it up. Their reasons went beyond that of course because some of the teachings where controversial, like reincarnation and the fact that the Gospel of Thomas was clearly anti church. Also the fact that Jesus and Mary Magdalene where mates can be found in some of those scriptures .now of course some idiots have distorted it into a big mess ‘( the da vinci code) .
It is not the bible that is faulty it is the churches interpretation of it, Also think about this Jesus was a rebel do you really think when he comes back that any of these churches is even going to recognise him ,he will be the first to call their bullshit …