You know the kind of guy who does nothing but bad things and then wonders why his life sucks? That’s me. Every time something good happens to me, something bad is waiting right around the corner. Karma.
The thing is, even as bad things happen to me, more bad things are often waiting after that. They’re lined up around the block, just waiting for the bouncer of Club Screw Dave Over to let the next one into the party.
Bad things are very loyal to my Club, too. They will pass by all the other, more deserving hangouts, just so they can crowd into the peeling walls of my life. Like the fullgrown buck who, after avoiding three lanes of westbound traffic, lept over a three-foot cement divider – landing directly on the hood of my Volkswagen Golf.
Yeah. I am the guy who watches car after car careen down the freeway at speeds which defy several laws of physics, and every law of necessity. Then, when I speed up just enough to get around some drunk bastard in a dilapidated jallopy, swerving in and out of lanes like a buoy on rough seas – I get pulled over and handed a ticket… on spring break… for doing 4 miles over the limit.
That’s me.
I’m the guy who insists to his girlfriend that they go get a used couch that “looks way better than the one you want, sweetie.” I drive over an hour and a half in rush hour traffic. When I get there, the lady who’s selling the couch pops out her window and informs me the couch was just sold to someone, saying, “I thought it was you.”
Yep. That’s me. My name is Dave.
lol!